“... it is not just about sexuality. It really is about one person wielding control over another. ” The Control Factor of Sexual Harassment by Perla Daly Sexual harassment is something one can experience at work , at school and even just on the street or in public. Anyone can be subject to this kind of harassment, both males and females. And, sexual harassment can be homosexual in nature as well. Harassment is handled differently by different people. Some people can be stressed by it, even traumatized by it. And some people come out of it emotionally intact. An important thing that all people who go through it should realize is that it really is not about sexual attentions, it's really about control. In this page: Three stories Identifying sexual harassment What can you do when it happens to you What sexual harassment is really about Three stories: “ I didn't even know it was called ‘harassment.’ I thought it was just unwanted romantic advances...” Story 1. Lyn(names have been changed) young, smart and fresh out of college found her dream job at a Makati company. She also found herself the object of her boss' attention. Her boss was a much older man. Lyn said: "My officemates were not treated the same way that he treated me. At first I thought it was his way of being nice to me because I was young and just starting out, so I was grateful and a little honored by the attention. But soon I felt differently. "After a while, my boss started getting too personal. He would scold me about seeing young men and going on dates. I first thought that these were fatherly words. But I later realized it was just the tip of the iceberg. He had a habit of casually touching me by putting his arm around my shoulder, brushing his hand down my arm or back, or leaving his hand on my lap. When I would pull away he would look hurt and accuse me of being dirty-minded and malicious. "He always brought back gifts for me from his trips abroad. These gifts were always more expensive than those that were for my other officemates. And he was constantly trying to get me to come along with him on business trips. It turned out that one of these "business trips" to Cebu was to include just the two of us at a remote beach resort. I declined all of the invitations making excuses about a fear of flying. "He also would ask me to stay for late meetings which usually turned out to be for just the two of us and then try to take me out for dinner. I always refused the dinner invitation and then he would insist on driving me home. The worst thing about it was I was too scared to take a taxi in the later hours of the night so I would end up taking his offer of driving me home. On the trip home, I would then have to put up with his conversation and verbal advances and further insistence on stopping for a bite to eat. I felt so frustrated and pushed around when he managed to do this to me. How could I put my foot down and stop his unwanted attentions and yet keep the job that I really liked." Lyn soon became tired of these encounters and to feel stressed by the unwanted attentions. Her officemates began to whisper when she was around. Work days became a dreaded ordeal and she could not give her job her full attention as she fretted about the fact that her officemate thought she was having an affair with the boss. She lost weight and began getting depressed. She considered leaving the job that she was initially so excited about when she started. "Then I began to get angry about the whole situation. I was outraged at my boss for making my life miserable at the job that I really wanted to do good at. I soon found out that not only had he a wife but he also had a "kabit" or mistress. He had children with his mistress in addition to the children he had with his wife. To top it all, I found out that he had done the same thing to another young woman at work and she did have an affair with him that was now over. It was all such a sad, sickening story. "I never complained about him to my officemates though. Deep down inside myself I knew that what he was doing was all wrong but the atmosphere at work was of one of intrigue and whispers and worst of all tolerance. There was no one I could get help from about this. "My two closest friends finally convinced me that I should leave the job that at first seemed such a dream job. It took me six months before I was able to get another job and that was hard too. I sometimes wish that I could tell my boss that he had messed my life up for the time I worked for his company, for the time I was jobless and for the misery I felt during all that time. But I bet he feels that he didn't really do anything wrong because of the whole double-standard thing going around here in the Philippines. To be "macho" is to believe that you deserve more than one woman in your life at a time. I think "macho" means that you are rotten to women. "I didn't even consider reporting him to anyone or any authorities. I didn't even know it was called harassment. I thought it was just unwanted romantic advances from my boss who was an older man who wanted attention from a younger woman," Lyn recalls. Story 2. Caloy, was a handsome sophomore at a top university and talks about a similar experience at school: "When I was taking a Literature class, my teacher, who is also a playwrite and a director, was a funny, likeable guy. And it was a well-known fact that he was gay. When he started giving me special attention in class my friends and classmates would tease me and I, of course, was a pretty embarassed. I ignored his attention and the teasing but I never thought of reporting him to the school authorites when he started strongly suggesting that I would get better grades if I would go out to parties with him and hang out with him during off-hours. I just thought he was a lonely gay guy looking for some attention or a boyfriend." Story 3. Vivian, another college student, used to get lewd looks and unwanted comments from the elderly man who functioned as a security guard at her boarding house. The thing is, she wasn't the only one who received this treatment, all the woman at the boarding house got this treatment, even the older spinsters were treated this way. All the women handled it by giving him snooty looks or glaring at him but obviously that wasn't the right solution to stop him. They should have outright told him to stop. But confrontation is not the path that most Filipinos take, is it. Sometimes confrontation can be good if conducted in a constructive war. We Filipinos have to learn this. Sexual harassment doesn't just take place in establishments such as the workplace or at school, it can also take place in public. Those men standing around the street making catcalls and rude kissing sounds to female passersby are harassing the females who make it obvious that they don't want that kind of attention. Identifying Sexual Harassment: Q. "There's a man at work who bothers me alot. But how do I know that I'm not being too sensitive and that what he does is sexual harassment? “ Sexual harassment not only comes in the form of unwanted advances but it can also come in the form of hostility towards your gender” Sexual behavior that is repeated, unwanted, interferes with and has a negative effect on your work is considered sexual harassment. Sexual harassment is illegal in the U.S. Sexual harassment covers a wide range of behaviors, from obvious acts such as fondling to subtle ones such as making suggestive remarks. In general, sexual harassment is any behavior in the workplace that: relates to your gender or sexuality is intentional and /or repeated is unwanted and not returned, and interferes with your ability to do your work, or has an effect on your working conditions. For example, if a co-worker accidentally brushes against you, it would not be considered sexual harassment. However, if that person repeatedly finds opportunities to brush against you than it is deliberate. Behavior like this, which may make you feel uncomfortable and adversely affect your work, is sexual harassment. Sexual harassment not only comes in the form of unwanted advances but it can also come in the form of hostility towards your gender. For example, if your are a female and work in a predominantly male workplace and there are men that make it difficult for you to work, because you are female, by insulting you or threatening you, then that is also sexual harassment. What can you do when it happens to you: Q. "My supervisor is harassing me. What can I do? I don't want to hire a lawyer or end up on the evening news. I just want him to stop." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- A. Many women who are harassed initially act by ignoring the situation. Most of the time, the harassment just gets worse when it is ignored. Here are some things to do if it happens to you: 1. TELL the harasser(s) to stop. Make it clear you don't welcome this behavior. Say this in person, in a letter or in a memo. Keep copies of any written correspondence. 2. Make notes describing each incident, including date, time, place, what the harasser(s) said or did, how you responded, who else might have heard or seen it and what you did at the time. Keep these notes at home. Also keep any tokens, gifts, notes or cartoons that you've received from the harasser(s). 3. Talk to others at work, even though it may be embarrassing. Be judicious about talking to your co-workers so you don't encourage gossip or possibly harmful actions by others. But you may find witnesses, allies or other victims of the harasser(s) who will support you. It may be helpful to talk about the experience with friends and family as well. 4. Follow grievance procedures outlined in your company's employee handbook if one exists. Talk to your supervisor, the harasser(s)'s supervisor, your union steward and any co-worker you think might be helpful. Remember, stopping sexual harassment is the responsibility of the employer as well as the harasser. 5. Keep copies of your employment record at home. Harasser sometimes try to defend themselves by attacking their victims' job performance. 6. Explore legal options and support groups. If other remedies fail, you may want to file a complaint. Look through the Internet links(see below) for organizations that can help you.   What Sexual Harassment is all About: The bottom line for the harassment factor is that the sexual advances of the harasser, regardless his or her intentions, is that the attention is unwelcome to the recipient. People, expecially victims, should know that there is a pyschiatry behind sexual harassment because it is not just about sexuality. It really is about one person wielding power and control over another. The harasser not only controls the actions of the victim but may also get satisfaction in making the victim feel helpless, frustrated, stressed, insulted or violated. In the place of humanity, sexual harassment is a manifestation of the victimizers' low morals and values and most of all a lack of respect for fellow humans. When the victim of sexual harassment can recognize and understand the forms of harassment and the psychiatry behind harassment, the victim can start taking back his or her own power. More BagongPinay web pages about Sexual Harassment: Sexual Harassment: My Story by Cristina Peczon, Philippines The Control Factor of Sexual Harassment by BagongPinay includes: Three stories Identifying sexual harassment What can you do when it happens to you What sexual harassment is really about More Internet Links on Sexual Harassment _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ | Home | Site Map | E-Mail us | All rights reserved. ©1998 ©1999 NewFilipina ©1998 ©1999 BagongPinay.