“For a long time I suffered from cultural amnesia...”
YOU CAN GO HOME AGAIN: Reimagining Filipino Identity
Leny Mendoza Strobel (originally published in the Paterson Literary Review)
Ang pagkataong Pilipino ay iyong nararamdaman sa kailaliman ng puso, na pagpapahayag, hindi sa pamamagitan ng salita kundi ng damdamin, na "ako ay Filipino." Kahit na madalas hindi natin alam kung papaano ipaliliwanag ang pangalang "Pilipino" sapagkat ito ay nanggaling sa labas (Español) sa halip na sa loob, ang isang Pilipino ay nakakaramdam ng malalim na kaugnayan sa kanyang kapwa-tao, so kanyang Dios, sa kanyang bansa, sa kanyang sarili. Ang Pagka- Pilipino ay galing sa loob ng damdamin subalit ang loob na ito ay nakaugnay din sa lahat ng bagay sa mundo. Nakaugnay din ito sa mga nakaraang pangyayari sa buhay ng isang bansa. Ang kaugnoyang ito ay patuloy pa rin sa kasalukuyan. At sapagkat ito ay nasa damdamin, hindi ito nawawala sa pangingibang bayan. Kadalasan pa nga, ang pangingibang boyan ay nagpapatibay sa damdaming ito sapagkat maraming bagay ang naghaha mon sa katunoyan nito. Kabilang no rito ang ibang Pilipino no hindi pa nakakaahon sa kanilang isipang kolonyal, no patu boy pa ring naniniwala na ang kanilang kultura ay hamak at walang pag-asa ng umunlad at magbago.
(To be a Filipino is to feel, in the depths of one's being, where words are not enough, that one is Filipino. Oftentimes it is difficult to articulate just what it means to be Filipino because the name itself was imposed from the outside. To be Filipino is to feel a deep connectedness to one's fellow being, to the Creator, to the country, to one's self, and to everything else outside of the self. To be Filipino is to feel connected to the country's history — past, pre sent, and future. This connectedness remains even when the Filipino leaves the Philippines. In fact, this connection deepens more so on foreign soil where its authenticity is often challenged. Sometimes, it is other Filipinos who challenge this identity, especially those who have not yet escaped their colonized consciousness, and therefore continue to believe that Filipinos come from an impoverished culture, without hope or progress or change).
I begin this narrative in my native tongue because I want to celebrate and affirm the language of my people, the language that was taken away from us under colonization. In the cutting of our tongues, we were rendered mute. We were separated from our indigenous consciousness. We forgot how to think for ourselves. We forgot our epics, our myths and the stories of our ancients. We forgot that once upon a time we were a people that knew many deep, wonderful and mysterious things. We forgot that once upon a time we were brave; we had martyrs, heroes, and heroines who raised their voices and swords against the Spaniards and the Americans. "May the sun split my body into halves and may my womenfolk heap their hatred on me should I ever be a friend of the Castillian!" --- said the tribal king of Macabebe to Legazpi, the Spanish governor, hundred of years ago.1 This kind of courage was buried deep enough under the "lahar of colonization" that it was forgotten by most of us. I come from this tribe.
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This essay was originally published in the Paterson Literary Review:
Ms.Strobel's essay was one of thousands of entries chosen for under 20 essays published in that particular issue of the Paterson Literary Review.
Bio of Leny Mendoza Strobel
Paterson Literary Review contact info:
Maria Mazzotti Gillan, Editor
The Paterson Literary Review
Passaic County Community College
One College Blvd.
Paterson, NJ 07505-1179