E-mail from American Men about Mail-Order-Brides P.P.Daly---BagongPinay   In the bigger picture, the droves of foreign men coming to the Philippines to marry our women is not THE problem. This is the side effect of the state of the Philippine economy and of something deeper in the mind of Filipinos' mentalities... Join the MagsalitaKa forum, after you read all of the two features involved on this topic. You too can add your own insight on what should be considered in the bigger picture. “The BagongPinay site was initially inspired because I was embarassed and mortified to find that www.filipina.com was a mail-order-bride site(MOB). - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - As the founder of the BagongPinay site I got this e-mail from a gentleman who was offended by my expressing this reaction in my Why-We-Started-This-Site page. Mr. Lee wrote: " you do a disservice to your approximately 30,000 fellow Filipinas in the U.S. who have found a new life by corresponding with American men who adore Filipinas. " Click here to read the full exchange between Mr.Lee and BP on MOBs.) View art close-up - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Surfing to one of my favorite pinoy web sites Pinoy Life I found this article: American Attitudes : Mail Order Brides Click here to see full article and use your back button to return to this page. This web-article is so related to what Mr. Lee and I exchanged e-mail about. It is about various American men's attitudes, opinions and feelings towards Filipina MOBs. This is a very good write-up put together by Filipino Moonie Lantion who was sent an e-mail by Rex Navarette(the Phil-Am comedian and recording artist) who was sent the compilation from American Timothy Harvey who compiled "over 1,500 pages of Usenet News posts and material from 75 penpal services collected over a 2 year period." It also contains some of Moonie's own tongue-in-cheek comments as a Filipino and then further thoughtful examination of the whole MOB issue. It is well worth the read whether the MOB thing makes you feel strongly for it or against it. Here are excerpts: There are statements that range from the innocent and romantic: "Filipinas are among the most beautiful women in the world. I know nothing about your country or culture, but I've always been drawn to the mystery of the Orient. I'm very interested in meeting attractive Filipinas to learn from. I'm a white, professional American, friendly and affectionate with a lot to offer." ...to misled stereotyping: "Pinoys are bad to their women. Wife beating and infidelity are common and are accepted part of being a husband. It is common practice for Pinoys to have a "side woman" and guys who do this are admired. Filipino husbands often spend their income on themselves, and the wife is usually the one who looks after the family needs. In contrast, Western men are desired by Filipinas because they know that they will be treated better." ...To the utterly low-down: "...if you feel you have cause to strike or cheat on her, a Filipina wife will except this and not seek legal intervention because she understands that she is the cause and the solution. If you want to divorce a Filipina, you can without fearing being "taken to the cleaners" or having to pay alimony and/or child support as you would with an American women. The only exception is if a friend or lawyer gets ahold of her and convinces her to take advantage. In many cases, you can simply send her back to the Philippines and be done with it." “Successful marriages are not made from romanticizing or from dreams. ” What is involved in the bigger picture. Join the MagsalitaKa forum, after you read all of the two features involved on this topic. You too can add your own insight on what should be considered in the bigger picture. Many times those Filipinas who are looking for husbands within such a pattern (pen-pals, MOB services, sex tours) are looking for security, either emotional or financial. These women are looking for a knight-in-shining-armor to rescue them. Of course many women, no matter what their nationality or social status, marry for these kind of reasons. But the dreams of Filipinas of marrying a foreign man from another county may be especially appealing because it takes them out of the Philippines, a country still struggling to bring itself above the Third World status. A Filipina also added in the open forum that she personally chose to get to know a non-Filipino man(via letters) and then marry him because she was wary of Filipino double standards, that is the practices of many Filipino men taking a mistress(mistresses) or their attitudes towards women as "toys." In the bigger picture, the droves of foreign men coming to the Philippines to marry our women is not THE problem. This is the side effect of the state of the third world Philippine economy and even of the double standards within the Philippine society that Filipinas are getting fed up with. Of course there are problems with exploitation and abuse within the MOBscenario and we hope that those problems will be alleviated with noble movements such as Gabriela International. But the industry itself exists because men and women are seeking the answer to their dreams (in a not-so-common process). In the bigger picture, we really cannot prevent foreign men from looking to the Philipines to find their dream wives or prevent them from "mailing-away" for them and by the same token we cannot prevent thousands of Filipinas from dreaming of a foreign husband because of their own personal reasons. But some things can be done if we want to help stop thousands of Filipinas for looking for financial security abroad. What the Philippines and Filipinos need are: Leadership and government that will hasten a growing economy so that the opportunity for jobs and stability for Filipinos and Filipinas will be there. For Philippine society at home and abroad to wake up and be aware of how Philippine women are perceived and regarded at home and abroad. Philippine laws to help uplift women. Programs to educate Philippine women so that they can find jobs that give them financial stability so that they won't look to marriage as a mere security solution, whether it be through MOB agencies or otherwise. Empowerment projects and campaigns to help Filipinas find their personal power. On a social level, things need to improve for women in the Philippines. The macho, double standard attitudes of our men that it is okay to have a wife and a mistress or two or three is one of the lowpoints of our society. The way men think it is their birthright as a male to let theand even many women see it excusable that this practiceWomen are looking for more respect as wives and girlfriends. They want to see their mothers and themselves with faithful husbands. Please join the forum so that we can add more points that should be considered in THE BIGGER PICTURE on this topic. --- P.P.Daly, BagongPinay Other MOB features on this site: . Mail Order Brides a research paper, MaryAnn Szyskowski, Sigaw ng Mutya, Jan'99 Don't miss the Magsalita Ka forum ! Read what others have to say and share your own comments on Filipina Mail-Order-Bride stereotypes, experiences....we are getting honest reactions and responses on this feature that can all lend further understanding on the men and women involved in matchmaking services of this kind. Footnote: If you have more information about MOBs such as your own story(happy or sad); or articles; or know of other Web links about MOBs; or movements that act on the MOB industry or help women who have been left on the side...Share it with us on BagongPinay. E-Mail us and we will share your input in the MagsalitaKa forum or feature your formal write-up as a future feature in PinayNgayon. We are still waiting for and would be very pleased to have people come forward and contribute to the BagongPinay site write-ups and features which could give additional insight on the Filipina MOB topic and thus bring about better understanding and more support for the Filipina MOB within the Fil-Am community. Sharing experiences, learning, and understanding between Filipinas is what we definitely want to come about from what goes on in the site. - "In real love you want the other person's good. In romantic love you want the other person." ---Margaret Anderson See our Muni-Muni Collection for more quotations. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ | Home | Site Map | E-Mail us | All rights reserved. ©1998 ©1999 NewFilipina ©1998 ©1999 BagongPinay.