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Cyberlove and Balikatan Brides
The face that stared before her was the face of a man who had haunted her dreams. Those blue-green eyes that seemed to stare right through her soul; peered at her knowingly. Those red lips that beckoned her to come closer and sample forbidden delights. That articulate nose and perfectly male brows that made the over all picture so much more desirable. They stood facing each other for the longest time. Just drinking each other's fill. Not talking. Not hearing. Not touching. Just taking in almost two years worth of longing and deep-seated hunger to be together. The sound of thunder snapped them out of our trance. They smiled. A 100 watt smile that seemed to say "there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be tonight than with you. Here. Now." That scenario described with flourish is a common occurrence for those who are involved in Internet relationships and cyber romances. Ever since the net fever caught on with aplomb and a startling decisiveness that seemed to control millions of people, virtual loving seemed to have a mind of its own. Long distance relationships that seemed impossible before, is no longer. We can talk to our "significant other" (which we haven't met, but significant nonetheless) through chatting for hours on end. We can send letters at the click of the mouse, faster, safer, more reliable than snail mail through electronic mail or e-mail. We can send text messages for free on web-based features in the world wide web (www). We can even have unlimited phone sex through the phone dialer! All the comforts and amenities of a relationship a lot of people find very convenient, entertaining and sweet, at a lesser cost. Again, as most things in the world are, cyber relationships exist purely because of economics. For only Php 440 a month, at ten hours, you can have the chance to snag your ultimate dream guy- 6'2", 190 lbs, blue-eyed blond, Ivy league-educated and works in an Information Technology outfit down Monterey, California. How's that for a deal? It's so easy to use the Internet as a vehicle to meet people. It has very few requirements-similarity and compatibility. Proximity only becomes a problem when both parties want so badly to take their constant online meeting to a higher level. But other than that, it's seductive and alluring. In a net relationship, people take on a different persona. With the help of anonymity and lack of information-- men are warm, sensitive, caring, and communicative. Women are daring, sensual, and erotic. No one in cyber land has bad breath, a baldhead, love handles, or a bad temper. The sex is the best you can imagine. Is it all too good to be true? Of course it is. In most cases, Cyber love is only make-believe. Usually when cyber lovers meet, there is a major letdown. No real person can compete with a dream lover. But here's the dilemma. For a lot of Filipinas, the disappointment and the let down do not and will not matter. Because after all, a foreigner, whether short, fat and bald can be a very convenient way to solve some financial bind she's in. The thing is, it starts so ominously, so simply. While you are basking in the afterglow of the greatest cyber sex, she casually mentions, " You know, honey, Nanay has a bad cough. I think its tuberculosis…" Then of course, because it seemed to matter to her so much, he says, "Don't worry your pretty head about it, love. I'll take care of it". And pretty soon, he has taken care of the schooling of your younger brothers and sisters, the renovations of the house, your mother's health. In fact, he has built your family a sari-sari store that could rival SM (well, almost). And when you finally meet him, beer belly, stinking breath and Hell's Angels tattoos and all… It won't matter. He is after all; the new messiah… and society will perpetuate this because he has the "greens"… the almighty dollar. Never mind, if this woman is a college graduate, or is on her way to earn her master's degree, or if she's a professional teacher, nurse or what have you's, but in most cases, she becomes, a second citizen in her own land. Somebody very close to me once said, "Every foreigner is a potential meal ticket for every Filipina." I don't know if I agree or not. But I know what I see and what I hear. All too often, women who marry foreigners undergo a stigma, that they got married because he was a way out for her. I know plenty of interracial marriages that are based on love. They have not escaped this stigma. Society can be very cruel. Instead of trying to foster the idea that women can be self-reliant and can improve themselves without a rich foreigner to better herself, we encourage them to get into marriages that have these women at the disadvantaged from the start. Women in these situations, are forced to marry someone so culturally different from them, and once they do get married, and referred to as a "Balikatan Bride," society snickers, taunts and jeers, another Filipina bites the dust. I'm not against interracial marriages. Are you kidding, what I'd give for a green-eyed, brown-haired boy who'd call me "Hey, Mom!," I too, have hopes of becoming the next Mrs. Alex Compton. But when that happens, I hope to be my own woman: richer, better, smarter, greater-- without the help of any man whose a confused product of Uncle Sam, Woodstock, or Marlboro, and any other symbolism by which the spirit of USA lives. ---------------
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