BagongPinay - Malakas at Maganda - June 2004 - Girls Behaving Powerfully, Marjorie Asturias-Lochlaer

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June 2004 - Girls Behaving Powerfully, Marjorie Asturias-Lochlaer

Girls Behaving PowerfullyNotions of
by Marjorie Asturias-Lochlaer

I believe all women realize their inherent power...
We simply don’t use that power...

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the sad state of affairs for far too many women. Picture it: unselfconscious little girls running around with grass and dirt in our hair, laughing out loud at each other’s jokes, and defiantly fighting back when a stupid boy pushes us around. Fast forward ten years later, and we find those same little girls going moon-eyed over a boy – maybe even the same boy – and thinking it’s “cute” when he pushes us around. Another ten years later, and one of those little girls has married the “cute” little boy, only this time it’s neither funny nor cute when he yells at her and tells her where to go, what to do, and who to do it with (usually him).

And trust me, I’m not one to throw stones. At one time, *I* was that girl with the neither-funny-nor-cute boy. Lucky for me, he did us both a huge favor and dumped me. Sadly, such good fortune doesn’t fall on every woman mired in a bad relationship, or if it does, it’s sometimes only long after she’s already legally bound to him, after which a messy divorce then ensues, hurting everyone in the process.

I once heard someone say that if you find yourself stuck in a bad or unhappy situation, then by all means, do something about it. Made perfect sense to me, and it sat well with my feminist sensibilities. All too often, women become victims in horrendous situations that, to the outsider’s perspective, can be so easily changed or remedied by simply extricating oneself from the situation or relationship that is causing so much grief. Yet for some reason, we stubbornly refuse to move, hoping instead that the situation itself would change or that the person at the center of our misery would miraculously undergo a complete personality transformation, and that we would soon reap the rewards borne from our patience and perseverance.

One word, ladies: horseshit.

Why we insist on turning ourselves into self-righteous martyrs, I’ll never understand, but regardless of the reasons, we have the intellectual and emotional capability of turning off those self-flagellating voices that keep us locked in miserable relationships. We simply don’t use that power.

And therein lies the contradiction.

I believe all women realize that inherent power. We understand that within us lies an almost inhuman strength that can crush our most persistent demons and most daunting enemies. We come close to realizing that power’s full potential when we become mothers, or when external forces threaten all that we hold dear. Men understand it as well, and we see that often when they cringe in the face of a woman’s anger, or when they lash back at us in fear of being overwhelmed by this unseen force within us. We therefore hold that power in check, knowing that love and peace can’t flourish in a battleground.

Unfortunately, however, when it’s our very Self that’s being threatened, we refuse to unleash that power. As little girls, we understood its awesome strength and harnessed it to fight our way to the head of the line at kickball, declare victory in hopscotch, or run till our lungs burst on the track. As mothers, sisters and friends, we’ll defend to the death anyone whom we love and cherish against any enemy. However, when it comes to threats against our very dignity and Self, we roll over and play dead. Dear sister, where is the woman warrior within you?

Ironically, the women from whom I’ve learned the most about that inner strength, that glowing fire within all of us, are religious women, particularly Catholic and Buddhist nuns.
Living lives completely devoted to others, rather than to a single person, has allowed them to free their inner warrior and unleash the kind of vibrant, creative power that frees slaves, builds hospitals, uplifts entire communities, and end wars. What would a woman’s life be like if, rather than subsuming her Self, her talents, her genius, within the limiting confines of a relationship, she instead uses them as God intended for the benefit of herself AND her beloved ones?

Coming from a now-happily married woman, this is not a clarion call to the religious life, or even to perpetual singlehood. Rather, it’s a plea to my sisters everywhere to embrace the gifts with which you were endowed and to utilize them for the greater good of all humankind. We owe it not only to ourselves, but to our foremothers, who fought so that we would not have to soften our voices or walk in the shadows of “our men,” but also to our daughters, who will grow up watching our every move and emulating how we relate to our husbands, fathers, brothers, and the men who cross our paths and influence our lives.

Learning to recognize that power within us, and harnessing, it to create a better life and a better world isn’t easy. Men have traditionally groomed the sons of the community to take over leadership roles typically reserved for the “men of the house.” Very little of our social infrastructure has been built to accommodate the rise of women’s leadership, either within or without the home. That doesn’t mean, however, that society cannot or should not change, or that we must simply accept the status quo. Just as our foremothers refused to content themselves with the crumbs that were thrown their way, so should we not stop at the gates when we wish to storm the castle.

What would a woman’s
life be like if, rather
than subsuming her Self,
her talents, her genius...
she instead uses them
as God intended ...?

Know your herstory. Forget the dusty books about our feminist foremothers, and head straight to the original source. Read Woolf, Shelley, and even Eleanor Roosevelt, and learn from their stories about how a woman can change the world. If you can’t stand the thought of reading anything by or about dead white women, how about checking out some fantastic movies that have quietly insinuated themselves into the feminist consciousness of women and girls everywhere? Try “Whale Rider,” a little New Zealand gem that gives new meaning to the term “chick flick.” Or maybe “Kiki’s Delivery Service,” a cool Japanese animation film that will undoubtedly become a classic. Both of these films celebrate the awakening of a girl to her own strength and power, but any woman of any age will recognize the thrill of finding your life and purpose on your own terms.

Know your worth. Regardless of how you make your money – whether you’re a CEO with a seven-figure salary or a starving writer living paycheck to paycheck – keep your money and understand where it goes and what it’s doing. Married or single, you owe it to yourself to know exactly how much you’re worth, both soulfully and financially. Trust me – as someone who walked out of a relationship with little in her name but the clothes she wore and a few dozen books in cardboard boxes, I know from whence I speak. Stake your claim, know what’s yours and what you deserve, and don’t ever apologize for it.

Know your Self. Educate yourself about what moves your spirit and awakens your soul. Whether you paint, write, make movies, calculate complicated math formulas in your head, teach English, design houses, or make public policy, you owe it to your Self and to your community to contribute whatever gifts and energy God gave you to enhance and improve the world in which we live. Whether you work out of the home or within it, you must insist on taking time to nurture your dreams and create the environment in which they can come true.

So go ahead and change your world. Married or single, we all deserve a place in the sun. Let your voice speak out and your Self be heard. Recognize the power that lies within you and don’t ever let anyone extinguish it. Most importantly, don’t let your Self extinguish it.

I hope you’ll never have to raise your voice in anger, but if you see someone inflicting pain and suffering on another, let it roar.

I hope you’ll never have to raise your hand to strike someone, but if you must defend yourself or another, let it go.

And I hope you’ll never have to unleash your fury, but wherever you see injustice, let it rip.

You’ve got the power within you. Trust your Self and set it free.

Open Forum! Share your opinions and suggestions pertaining to this topic at the Message Boards MagsalitaKa (Speak Out) Section.

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